your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Is it penis luge time yet?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
