I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
