Have you finally orgasmed yet?
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
