Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
