Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
