I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
