Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
