btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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