I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Why can't burritos get me drunk
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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