how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Randomize
