is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
