so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
