i need an iv and a liver transplant
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
