I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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