I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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