So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
We named our party play list daddy issues
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
