What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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