I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
