the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
