i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
