and you said cock pushups were impossible
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
