How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
is wine microwaveable?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
