awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
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