I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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