You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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