when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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