God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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