Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
