I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
