just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
