i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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