Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
