so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
