Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
