Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
