I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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