maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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