You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
