My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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