we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
