and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
