420 ftw
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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