His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Houston, we have a squirter
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
