my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Randomize
