he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
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