if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
