I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
