i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
