Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
