So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
